I’d be careful with the assumptions here, in particular the last 2-3 bullet points. It may be that what you perceive as a bug is a feature for some.
I know I appreciate about online chat that I can pay near real-time attention to it when I want, and can treat it as asynchronous at other times. And I also know I’m not alone in this perception, though I can’t speak for how many other people want this.
Which isn’t so say that one can’t improve the social experience of it, of course. But it seems to me that improving the social experience for some can also exclude others here.